Laughter Is Truly The Best Medicine

If there's one thing I have to admit about my mother is that she was always right about this: Laughter Is The Best Medicine.

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If you can't laugh about yourself and the things that happen to you - you're headed for a heart attack or some other malady, it's the way the body works. Laughter lightens the moment and strips away the seriousness that many of us approach life with; it releases the pain and chases away your personal rainstorms leaving a bright sunshiny day.

Scientists have also discovered that laughter strengthens your immune system and increases your cardiovascular flexibility (your blood vessels exercise through dilation).

According to Dr. Goodheart, the laughter doctor, laughter convulses your diaphragm, which in turn massages your internal organs. Massaged internal organs are happy internal organs and they cooperate by staying plump and juicy.

She says that laughter also causes you to gulp in large portions of air, oxygenating your blood. When that air is expelled, it's been clocked at 70 miles an hour, providing the lungs with an excellent workout. By laughing, she says, you lose muscle control, which relaxes the skeletal system. According to Dr. Goodheart, four-year-olds laugh 500 times a day, while adults laugh a mere 15! She's convinced that if we laugh as much as a four-year old, we've have the heart rate and blood pressure of that same child.

On top of all that, she continues, laughter causes the brain to produce hormones called beta endorphins which reduce pain and causes our adrenal glands to manufacture cortisol, which is a natural anti-inflammatory that's wonderful for arthritis.

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Laughter also provides a catharsis, which means to purify or purge, to the emotions. It also brings about a spiritual renewal or release from tension. You notice how sometimes you'll see a comedian on television, and while he may not be that funny, something just makes you laugh uproariously? Your body seems to know that it needs the chemicals that are released through laughter.

I've always felt better after a good belly laugh or two. For me that means some very large-sounding snorts and a few donkey brays thrown into the bargain. Some people won't even go to the movie with me because when I start laughing I cannot stop. My daughters always used to go, Mom! as they slunk down into their seats trying not to be seen.

When someone's laughing, others laugh along. It's contagious. You can't help it. Oftentimes in my movie-theater laughter excursions, I have motivated a whole theater-full of people laughing right along with me. All this during the credits! (John Belushi being escorted through the prison in the opening credit scenes of The Blues Brothers. If you notice very carefully, while walking he has his butt cheeks pressed ever so tightly together as he's leaving the prison. It was a subtle physical comment that kept me laughing. The more people turned and looked at me, the harder I laughed! Finally, they just gave up and joined me!).

The Difference between Laughter, Humor, Teasing and Tickling

However, there is a difference between laughter, humor, teasing or tickling. Humor is your way of looking at the world, it's an intellectual exercise. It's your idea of what's funny; it's not the actual act of laughing.

Teasing and tickling are really a way of ridiculing someone. Tickling is something beyond someone's control and is actually a physical invasion of sorts. Children laugh when you tickle them because the body works that way, but it's actually a form of emotional ridicule that can result in very unpleasant feelings.

Teasing usually has an edge to it. People say they're teasing, but essentially they are dead serious. I think teasing is a passive-aggressive way of hurting someone through the guise of humor. Teasing, according to Dr. Goodheart, "involves our having information about something that another person has very strong feelings about - usually painful feelings - and then bringing that information up without permission." She also says that as people become very good friends they might give each other permission unconsciously to push each other's buttons. Husbands, wives, lovers, and friends play with each other's pain with permission. "When you tease without permission in order to trigger laughter, it's very manipulative and controlling."

All in all, when you're feeling down and need a lift, try laughter. It may be hard at first, but just try laughing. Force yourself. Pretty soon, you'll find yourself laughing at your own laughter and the looks you get from your family members. They'll begin to wonder what's so funny and the corners of their mouths will crinkle up in the beginning of a smile. Now you're laughing because they give you these quizzical looks wondering what you're laughing about.

Pretty soon, your laugh is real, your belly aches, the tears flow from your eyes, and the world takes on a different hue.

As for me when I laugh like this, I need Depends. I laugh so hard sometimes I wet my pants and that has nothing to do with my age.

I can still hear my friend's mom yelling at me today nearly 38 years later (while grinning ear to ear) to get off her brocade couch whenever I started laughing.

She knew what would happen.

by: Laurie J. Brenner

How To Make Many Friends Easily

by: Ivan Campuzano

How to make many friends easily..

With every goal you have in life, people will always be a critical part of it. How fast you reach your goals depends on how well you deal with people and the level of influence you have on them. In order to really influence people you must become a person who is likable. How do you become likable? You must have a sincere interest in other people. Every person on this earth wants to feel important, so you need to treat everyone with the up most importance, because they deserve it. Remember no one is better than you and you are not better than anyone, we are all human beings who deserve the same amount of respect.

Becoming Likable:

Setting the Stage

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Your goal in meeting people should be to consciously be the first to initiate and set the stage for conversation. Most people are hesitant to be the first, don’t be like most people step out of your comfort zone. I know that if you are a shy person that this can be one of the hardest things for you to do, but the more you do it, the more you condition your self for it to become second nature. As a small kid I used to be really shy but I noticed that the kids that where outgoing tended to be the happier kids so I began to step out of my comfort zone and now I feel I can walk up to almost anyone. This is going to take time; things don’t happen over night but don’t let this discourage you. Many people feel that for you to become proficient in something takes around five years. Don’t waste anytime, start today and each day after that will get easier. Each different experience will later serve as a reference to remind you, that you can approach almost anyone. By being the first to initiate conversation you also automatically have a certain degree of control, you are able to draw people into your own rhythms. Have you ever noticed how persuasive people are able to seduce you to their ways, dictating your body language and basically synchronizing it to theirs? This is because people naturally imitate other people as a way of communicating with the other person. So if you are the first you get to decide what angle to approach. So if the person you are approaching appears sad, approach them with a big confident smile. Odds are they will slowly begin to smile; you will automatically change their mood. Now you will have a better chance of having a better conversation.

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In setting the stage you will need to train your self to pick up any subtle signals that the person you are approaching is giving off. With time you will be able to sum up a person in a blink of an eye and from what your subconscious catches use it help you set the stage. This will require you to have an open mind and immerse your self in as many different worlds/cultures as possible. That’s why I never limit my self to one particular set of friends. I have friends from all sorts of backgrounds. I have friends who are skaters, basketball players, artists, musicians, writers, etc. By having so many friends with diverse interests I quickly learn about their worlds. By knowing what kind of stage to set up you will know how to get the other person to think very highly of you. For example by being observant you will catch the subtleties in the way a person appears to be (The way he is dressed, body language, tone of voice, language, etc.) which will help you to imagine placing your self in there shoes. By really imagining what being that person is like it will give you a good idea of how he/she is feeling. This in turn helps you get a better idea of what appproach to use when trying to communicate effectively with them. When I am able to pick up persons subtleties I will know what topics, questions, and general things that appeal to them which gives me information to work with in the process of winning that person as a friend. Like if know this person is really passionate about cars, I will ask a question with the minimum knowledge I have about something that he knows or thinks he knows a lot about.

Now you set the stage for Mike who will love to tell me exactly why the Mitsubishi EVO is better. When someone is knowledgeable about something it’s in their nature to tell you because it is one more opportunity for them to show how great or smart they are. You have to cater to their ego and never test or contradict their ideas, because their ego will not accept someone who is supposed to know less tell them they are possibly wrong. If I would have told him that I heard that the Subaru WRX is better, we would have just gotten in an argument that he would not have backed out of. But I didn’t and now they will love me for it, because I was taking interest into what he enjoys.

Body Language

Whenever you approach someone for the very first time your body language will do most of the talking and the other person will immediately have a first impression of you. So you must always be aware that whatever you say your body is also in agreement. If you say one thing and your body says the opposite you will come out as someone fake. We have all seen the girl that walks up to another girl and says “I’m so happy to see you…how you been?....you look so good…” but their body language is saying “what are you doing here….I’m not really listening to what your saying” this is easily seen and can be one of the rudest things you can do in trying to make new friends. Always approach someone with open gestures and a smile. If you approach someone with crossed arms, this will automatically make the other person defensive and question your motives. Approach them with open arms and a gentle smile, smiling is infectious if the other person has a stern look on their face the moment youapproach them with a smile you will gradually notice that they will smile too. This usually sets it up for a good conversation because both people are in good moods. Try this - if you’re in a neutral mood right now, put a big smile on your face for no reason if you pay attention you can feel your body changing and your mood immediately start to change. People who are in good moods will place a lot more importance to what you have to say.

Questions and Listening

Your next goal is to sincerely try to find out as much as you can about the person. Ask quality questions; find out what is important to the person, goals, beliefs, interests, etc. The key is to be sincere so the person feels comfortable and is more likely to open up. Try to have a calm demeanor refrain from being overly eager as this might scare the person. You must be able to match the mood of the person. If the person is excited to tell you a story you must become excited as well. If the person is telling you a sad story you must show sincere empathy. Be open minded and really listen to the person.

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Listening: Try to listen at least twice as much as you talk. Listening requires more than just pretending to listen or simply hearing a person talk. Listening and hearing are two completely different things and the person can tell if you’re really listening to them, or simply hearing them speak. Being a good listener is a skill, you must become an active listener. Remember this is all about the other person, who cares if you don’t get to talk about your self. In the end the other person will love you for it. They will tell their friends

“Man I really enjoyed talking to that person”….why is that? Was he a very interesting person? “You know what…I really don’t know why…I really don’t know much about him”

This shouldn’t bother you because in the end you greatly benefited from the situation as well. If you’re an effective listener you will gain a better understanding of that person’s thoughts, perspectives, feelings and actions. You have to remember that most people would rather talk than listen, but most of the time this person is not very influential. Take this as an opportunity to become more persuasive and influential.

Sometimes the problem with most people is that listening to them doesn’t have much value. They feel that in order to get people to like them they must do a great deal of the talking. Think about that for a minute, how do you like it when another person is talking so much that when you try and say something they still keep talking. You eventually quit listening to that person because you got to annoyed. Now sometimes you don’t need to do most of the listening, you constantly need to evaluate the situation. Sometimes people really want to hear what you have to say. In this situation still try and get the other person involved and flip around the question that they just asked you.

People who talk too much

1. People always talk about them behind their backs

2. In group settings they feel they always need to say something just to feel like they are contributing.

3. Usually have very big egos

4. They ask questions that they already have the answers too

5. Because they are so focused on having something to say aren’t even listening to what someone is saying.

People Who Listen Effectively

1.Get the whole picture, than they can act accordingly.

2.Everyone loves a good listener so you will make tons of friends.

3.No one talks bad about you, who ever said “man that kid just loves to listen too much”

Good listening is going to really take effort. The reason is that people can think a lot faster than people can speak. What ends up happening is that you begin to think of other things as that person is speaking. Than you become consumed with those thoughts. Next thing you know the other person asks you “So than do you think I did the right thing”. You weren’t listening so you have no idea what to say. This is one of biggest turn offs in trying to become friends with that person.

Things to avoid when Listening

Don’t Interrupt

Because you have the upper hand by thinking faster than someone who is speaking, you will become tempted to interrupt. Don’t because the other person will get the feeling that you don’t care what they are saying and want to bring back the topic of conversation to you. The other person might also have great momentum going in telling you a story, but when you interrupt them their story doesn’t carry as much feeling when they go back to speaking. You also show that you are one of those people who enjoy speaking more than being a good listener. When you interrupt you are also making assumptions of what you think the other person is about to say. This might cause you to miss out completely different information. Because you interrupted them the other person might not even want to continue telling you about it.

Don’t Finish Other Peoples Sentences

Don't Offer Advice too Soon

Compliments + Appreciation

The way to make people feel important is through sincere compliments and appreciation. Most people go out their way to do something, to get other people to notice them, yet most people don’t. Get in the habit of noticing the little things about people. In the end the little things are what matter and what end up making a person unique so pay attention. Next time you see them, be the first to give them a sincere compliment on something even as simple as their hair cut. By making other people feel good about them selves you should also feel good for doing it, it’s a win win situation.

Many times people walk around with the mentality that other people owe them something, nobody owes you anything. Whenever anybody does anything for you show your appreciation and let them know you don’t take anything for granted. Be spontaneous get the person a small gift when they don’t expect it.

Encouragement

Once you find out what is truly important to someone you must provide encouragement. Everyone has dreams and aspirations. Be the one who encourages them to pursue their goals. Any insight or information that’s empowering will provide a boost to their confidence. Most people are so afraid of failure that they will not pursue their goals. They will give you all the reasons why their goals are out of reach. Your goal should be to switch their focus on the negative reasons to the ways how they can make it happen. You have to remember that whatever we focus on becomes our reality, so when you focus only on the negative aspects that’s all you will see. When they give you a reason why they can’t do it, ask them if that’s really a reason or a mere excuse. If they are excuses show them how destructive it is to be in this mental state. Make them realize that all their hopes and dreams are in danger all because of petty excuses. One of the best feelings you will get in dealing with people, is when you get another person excited about his goals or ideas. Now that the person is excited you need to point them in the right direction. Help them research the world they want to be in; find out as much relevant information. Help them create a plan and deadlines that will help them reach their goals. Start with small attainable goals, this will help them gain momentum and than move onto more challenging goals. By being active in the whole process you will build a deeper and more influential relationship with that person. He will not see you as a mere friend but as an ally in their journey to success.

Plan and Organize Social Events

One of the best ways to develop a meaningful experience with someone is through a social event. Whenever you participate in an event or trip your relationship with those people will become even greater. When I studied abroad in Prague I have never developed such strong relationships in such a short amount of time. I met people from all over the world and on the weekends we would take trips to other countries. On these trips I made incredible bonds, because everyone was on an adventure of experiencing new things together. Experiences are always magnified with more people involved. Just think about when you are watching a funny movie all by yourself you begin to laugh but than realize no one is there to enjoy the moment with you and your experience is quickly diminished .

I hope all these pointers will help everyone become more influential, take care and much success to everyone!

http://www.howtogetyourshineon.com

I Think I Can. I Think I Can. Can I?

by: Michele Wahlder

I think I can. I think I can. Can I?

Your mental train ticket to self-empowerment

We all find ourselves at certain points in our lives holding first class tickets to negative mental trains of thought. Michele Wahlder (MS, LPC, PCC), a two-time cancer survivor and Dallas, Texas-based Certified Life Coach and Psychotherapist, has placed thousands of people on the right track to self-empowerment via a plan she calls the 5 C Process. The journey challenges individuals to:

One

Clarify Current View – Where are you now- honestly?

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Conscious awareness of your current view is the first step in becoming the best you can be. Getting clear about how your life aligns with your values, talents and unique gifts is vital to your happiness. You need to know where you are in order to learn where you want to go.

You can clarify your current view by completing a review of eight life areas. Be honest with yourself about how happy are you with your profession, finances, health and overall well-being, primary relationships, personal development, spirituality, environment, hobbies, etc.

Two

Connect with Your Highest Vision – Where do you want to be?

Example: A client of mine, a yoga instructor, decided she was happy teaching but wanted to contribute to the world on a larger level. She wasn’t happy with the quality of the yoga clothing that was accessible to her and her fellow yogis. Her vision was to design and create fun, hip and timeless yoga clothes using eco-conscious fabrics.

You have to get really clear about what you want. It is crucial that you connect to your highest vision of yourself because you can’t create it unless you are clear about what it looks like. If you don’t have a vision of where you want to go or what you want to be, you will most likely NOT get there. To quote Henrietta Klauser, “If you have a connection to what you want, take the next step and write it down.” If you don’t have any idea about what you want, or how you want to be in life to bring about greater happiness, begin looking through magazines and create a Vision Board/Collage of what attracts you. You may also want to consider getting an outside perspective from a friend or a professional coach. I take my clients through a guided imagery that gives them a glimpse of what their future could look like. There are also books that can help guide you. Just get help assessing your talents, divine gifts and abilities and then determine how you want to use them more fully in the world. We can’t help others as fully, if we are not aware of how we can best serve. So instead of thinking of it as selfish to engage in knowing yourself better, I would suggest you consider it selfish to hold back and not be the best you can be. Only in this way, can we help the world and others.

Three

Create Inspiring Goals – How will you get there?

Example: My client created a tiered plan of what needed to happen step by step – outer goal. All of this was influenced by her inner goal of keeping a measured pace and a balanced life. Her goal was to enjoy the process.

You have to create a plan and take specific actions to get you from where you are now to where you want to be. When most people write goals, they just write a list of action steps, usually external actions. I believe it is more powerful to have inner and outer goals. An outer goal is what you want. For instance, you might think, “I want a new house”. An inner goal is more focused on the how. How will a new home benefit me and my family? Will it offer more common gathering areas, a larger kitchen so that we can cook together, etc.? How can I appreciate what I have now until I get this home? How can I make this a joyful experience rather than a stressful one? If you can not be grateful for what you have now, then when you get a new home, it will only create very short-term happiness for you. Then, you will be focused on the next external illusion of happiness. For 2008, I suggest taking at least three of the life areas I mentioned earlier and jot down how you couldbenefit from living your highest vision in each area. Next, add action steps toward your desired achievements along with completion dates.

Four

Clear Obstacles – How will you remove obstacles in your way?

We all have dreams and visions for our life, but frankly, there are many things that can get in the way. The two most common obstacles I see with my clients are:

The inability to say NO— In order to bridge the gap from your current view to your highest vision, you have to make room for what “Could Be”. If your life is full and you want to add more of the things that are truly important in your life, you should start the change process by making room first. You must say no to some things in your life, so you can say yes to what is most important. You have to give up the destructive habits, behaviors and activities to make room for new ones.

A metaphor would be a water hose watering a flowering plant. The water in the hose is your life force and the flowering plant is what you are trying to grow in your life. If the water hose has leaks, it will not have enough water or life force/energy to reach its desired outcome or vision (to grow the plant into full bloom). Examples of leaks might include toxic friendships, unrealistic expectations, watching too much television, eating sugar, overspending, negative relational patterns with your spouse or working on an outdated job.

Example: A client’s obstacle here was that her 8- year-old daughter needed caring for and she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to be a good mother plus jumpstart a successful, new business. We remedied this issue by getting clear on the proper definition of a good mother. Also, practically speaking, she needed help picking up her daughter from school. So she got her husband to assist her in this area so she would have time to create this new business.

Negative self-talk—Research shows we have approximately 50,000 internal messages we say to ourselves daily. We are constantly walking around having conversations with ourselves. And it is what we say that makes all the difference in the overall quality of our lives.

Example: I was once in Starbucks, and I watched this woman spill her coffee while reaching for a sugar packet and I heard her say out loud, “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”

Now, I just happen to hear her, but this is an example of something you might say internally as well. You might think, “No big deal. I say things like this to myself all the time.” Well, IT IS A BIG DEAL as our subconscious hears these messages and acts on them as if they were real. Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t want someone else saying to you.

Think of self-talk like mental fuel. Now, imagine filling your car with dirty water. We all know you wouldn’t get very far. Now, take that same car and fill it with high quality gasoline. You’ll most likely reach your destination. It is the same with people and the words we use. If the words are negative and toxic, we will sputter along with low energy and our performance suffers. If our words are positive and tender, we will feel confident, energized, encouraged and will most likely meet our goals faster and easier. Here are some key things to remember if you ever find yourself preparing to board the train of BAD self-talk:

B– stands for belittling self-talk. Stop telling yourself, “I am not good enough.” If your dream is to have a healthy self-confidence, which of the following examples is more likely to get your there:

A. “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.”

B. “Whoops, mistakes happen.”

Can you see how the Answer B is much kinder?

A – stands for awfulizing. Stop predicting a future filled with gloom and doom, and dwelling on scary thoughts. If you dream of obtaining a career you love, which of the following will move you closer to your vision:

A. “I did terribly on my interview, I’ll never find a job I like.”

B. “I will answer that question on past employment differently next time and I will ace it! I know I will one day have the job I love.”

Can you see how Answer B places you in the mindset of a successful job search?

D – stands for deceiving. This is when you deceive yourself into thinking you are a victim, and that other people are to blame for your circumstances. If we want a happy relationship which will of the below responses will aid in achieving this goal:

A. “If my spouse would only do more around the house, then I would be happy.”

B. “I can and will choose happiness today, no matter what my spouse does.”

Answer B is the right choice, wouldn’t you agree?

S – stands for shoulding – This is when you give yourself a lot of shoulds, musts, and ought tos, then beat yourself up for not living up to unrealistic standards. Say your dream is to be in top physical condition, which will further that:

A. “I should have eaten a salad for lunch instead of that big ol’ hamburger. I’m such a pig!”

B. “I could have eaten a salad, but I chose not to. Tomorrow I will make healthier choices.”

The second choice is so much more inspiring, don’t you think?

Five

Commit to Action – Are you willing to do what it takes?

The final step of the 5 C Process is to commit to action. How many times have we all made plans and never carried them out, or started off excited and lost motivation? No one ever does anything great alone. We all need encouragement and support from others including an accountability partner who is willing to help hold the vision of the person you want to be. In the previous example of my client, her biggest negative self-talk was how to be a good mom and a good business woman. Her thoughts were, “If I don’t pick up my child every day from school, I am a bad mother.” Instead, we replaced it with, “Picking up my child from school daily is not what makes me a good mother. I am, indeed, a fabulous mother.”

Here are the four action steps that have been proven to help you eliminate your negative self talk:

• Become aware of your negative messages –listen to voice in head

• Stop! You have to stop immediately if you find yourself dwelling on any negative thoughts

• Replace negative thoughts with a kinder alternatives

• Practice. It takes a commitment of time in order to turn a pattern of negative thinking into a more positive train of thought.

This interview was referenced by http://www.chinika.com. To learn more about Michele’s 5 C Process and her upcoming seminars, please call 214 -823-LIFE ( 5433), or visit her Web site at http://www.michelewahlder.com Once there, you will also be able to download a free workbook containing strategies on how to obtain a positive outlook on life.